{"id":161,"date":"2011-07-13T16:18:02","date_gmt":"2011-07-14T00:18:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/?p=161"},"modified":"2011-07-13T18:49:48","modified_gmt":"2011-07-14T02:49:48","slug":"peer-pressure-becomes-you-my-thank-you-note","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/2011\/07\/peer-pressure-becomes-you-my-thank-you-note\/","title":{"rendered":"Peer Pressure Becomes You: My Thank You Note"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a recent Time<\/em> magazine article<\/a> about high school experiences, Annie Murphy Paul quoted Kurt Vonnegut\u2019s retelling what a classmate said about life<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou all of a sudden realize that you are being ruled by people you went to high school with. . .You all of a sudden catch on that life is nothing but high school.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I laughed out loud, because I had just gotten back from my 50th<\/sup> high school reunion.<\/p>\n

\"image\"<\/a><\/p>\n

At Anchorage High School, where I graduated in 1961, I had the English teacher whose reputation preceded him, Mr. Crouch, Wendell Crouch, and I\u2019m thankful I had him. He made us write a lot, and he graded it all. I walked softly and did what he assigned.<\/p>\n

One paper I kept for decades, but I can\u2019t find it now. In a lapse, I cleaned up, and I think I finally threw it away. I wish I could remember his wry comments on it, but I think I\u2019ve repressed it. Before I admit what I\u2019m going to reveal about that paper<\/strong>, let me say that because of Mr. Crouch, I placed in a high school poetry contest. I re-read the poem, and believe me, it\u2019s abysmal. High schoolers are, among a lot of things, pretty maudlin, silly creatures. I\u2019m not reprinting it.<\/p>\n

The paper I wrote was on friendship<\/strong>; the assignment may have been to write on Aristotle\u2019s ideas about friendship<\/strong>. In any case, that was the angle I took, even though I can\u2019t remember the whole title.<\/p>\n

But do I ever<\/em> remember the first part of the title.<\/p>\n

It went, \u201cFiendship: . . .\u201d I don\u2019t remember the words following the colon. And let me admit here that not once<\/strong> did I ever type the word as anything else but \u201cfiendship.\u201d It was NOT a Freudian slip<\/strong>, only bad, consistent typos, over and over and over.<\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly, Aristotle has a lot to say about friendship, but most of it now seems very high-minded; his philosophical musings, however, explain why \u201cFiendship\u201d wasn\u2019t a Freudian slip<\/strong>. A nice, quotable, thing he says in Nicomachaen Ethics<\/em> asserts that it is necessary for us to have friends, \u201cfor without friends no one would choose to live. . . .\u201d He then says, \u201c. . . we praise those who love their friends, and it is thought to be a fine thing to have many friends. . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, I was very lucky to have had a lot of friends \u2013 not fiends \u2013 in high school. And, no, I don\u2019t sit around reading Aristotle.<\/p>\n

Mystery Solved<\/strong><\/p>\n

During the two-year run-up to the June 17, 2011, 50th<\/sup> Reunion<\/a>, I worked electronically, — as did others — with committee members living in Anchorage and cities across the U.S. Along the way I re-friended some classmates, got re-acquainted with classmates I had known less well, and made new friends with others I had not known.<\/strong> I cruised up The Inside Passage<\/em> with classmates who had been good friends in high school but whom I had not seen in decades, as well as with little- or not-known classmates.<\/p>\n

Why was it so easy to love reconnecting with these long-ago classmates?<\/strong> We hugged, kissed, laughed, and made toasts together; all the while I wondered if they really recognized me. How could they? I didn\u2019t recognize myself.<\/p>\n

\"Ginger<\/a><\/p>\n

Toasting ourselves on the cruise ship<\/span><\/p>\n

That question kept niggling at my mind. What\u2019s the connection with classmates? What is this lure reunions have, so strong that going to them has created this huge business in America?<\/p>\n

The answer stared me in my wrinkled face, the one I hardly knew in the mirror: \u201cHey, self, it\u2019s the FRIENDS, the friendships, stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n

But I kept wondering: What made those friendships so strong, so meaningful?<\/strong> Then I remembered a book I had read when I was searching for some explanations for my daughter\u2019s hideous drug addictions that so affected mine and my family\u2019s lives. I had pulled it off the shelf again when our granddaughter, our daughter\u2019s child, became ours to love and raise and I needed information on child development.<\/p>\n

I grabbed it again after the reunion: Judith Rich Harris\u2019s The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do<\/em>.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

In it she very convincingly argues her theory: \u201cthat children [elementary and junior high ages] identify with a group consisting of their peers, that they tailor their behavior to the norms of their group, and that groups contrast themselves with other groups and adopt different norms.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then, BINGO, in high school, as adolescents, we put all we\u2019ve learned from our little peers to use with our big peers. This is how and when teenagers become themselves, who they are and will be. For good or ill, like it or not.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your peers, your friends, are your biggest influence; they help form who you are then and become later.<\/p>\n

The Way We Were is Now<\/strong><\/p>\n

Her theory certainly explains \u201cpeer pressure.\u201d It only follows that it\u2019s wanting to do and to behave and to dress and to think and to feel<\/strong> in ways that are meaningful to and help define your group.<\/p>\n

Were we different or unusual?<\/strong> As the AHS Senior Class of 1961<\/a>, probably<\/strong>. We were a huge, diverse group: children of native-born or first generation Alaskans, of U.S. Air Force or U.S. Army personnel, of civilians working with the military, or of adventurers, entrepreneurs, and fortune-seekers; children of the Cold War<\/strong> living with the very real threat of nuclear attack. The DEW Line (Defense Early Warning system of radars)<\/strong>, which was the first line of defense against the Soviet threat, drew many families to the state. Most classmates watched Alaska become the 49th<\/sup> state<\/strong> and perhaps even watched President Dwight D. Eisenhower<\/strong> doff his hat to the crowds at the celebratory parade down 4th<\/sup> Avenue.<\/p>\n

\"image\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This class marked the transition from the comfort of the 1950s to the upheavals to come in the 1960s<\/strong>. We represented the promise of the future for Anchorage and a new state and what each would become. Then we scattered to places all over the globe.<\/p>\n

\"image\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Anchorage4thAve470\"<\/a><\/p>\n

4th Ave. downtown Anchorage, then and now<\/span><\/p>\n

Unusual or different as individuals? Maybe, maybe not<\/strong>. The point is, we were our very own peer group; together we tried ourselves on to see who we were; we needed to bounce ourselves off each other \u2013 our hair, our shoes, our personalities \u2013 to grow up. We needed each other during that critical time.<\/p>\n

And so, I thank my AHS Senior Class of \u201961<\/a> classmates, all of them. I thank my close friends, my re-friends, my new friends, and those I haven\u2019t seen since then \u2013 all those I shared that time, the 20th<\/sup> reunion, the 30th<\/sup> reunion, and the 50th<\/sup> reunion with. Thank you. Thank you.<\/p>\n

Commence<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Time article\u2019s author said she was flabbergasted when her high school principal invited her to give a recent commencement address to graduating seniors. I don\u2019t think she had a great time back then.<\/p>\n

Amazingly, our 1961 AHS principal, Mr. Joe Montgomery, was able, at 93, to attend our reunion\u2019s sock hop. As he spoke to us from his chair, we all felt how special a moment it was.<\/p>\n

\"Mr.<\/a><\/p>\n

AHS 1961 principal Mr. Joe Montgomery, at the 50th Reunion Sock Hop<\/span><\/p>\n

If Mr. Montgomery were to call and ask me to address a commencement, here\u2019s what I would say to the grads:<\/p>\n

\u201cReal life is high school. Don\u2019t be hangin\u2019 around with no un-fun, un-interesting group. There\u2019s too much at stake, like your identity. And wanting to come back to your 50th<\/sup> reunion. Now, throw your caps high, get outta your robes, and get outta here. Thank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you, AHS Senior Class of \u201961.<\/p>\n

KTVA CBS channel 11 in Anchorage reported on the reunion. View the spot from here<\/a>; click on the video.<\/p>\n

Also on that same page is an article I placed in Alaska Airlines Magazine<\/em> after the AHS Class of \u201861 20th Reunion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a recent Time magazine article about high school experiences, Annie Murphy Paul quoted Kurt Vonnegut\u2019s retelling what a classmate said about life: \u201cYou all of a sudden realize that you are being ruled by people you went to high school with. . .You all of a sudden catch on that life is nothing but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-memories","category-photos"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=161"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":165,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161\/revisions\/165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahs61.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}